What Not to Wear

I am sick and I sound like a muppet with an affinity for chain smoking. As a result, I will be brief and to the point. Let's talk Halloween.

I could be lazy and borrow from everything that you will ever read regarding the fact that the holiday was not, in fact, started as an excuse to dress like as promiscuously as possible. And because I am a total slackarse (as you should know), I think I will. To elucidate:

• Wearing lingerie and donning various assorted animal ears/other animal parts is not equal to a Halloween costume. Yes, I'm sure you look very sexy. No, I do not need to know the results of your latest pelvic exam, thanks.

• I don't care what you say - couple costumes are creepy as anything.

• I actually can't think of anything else at the moment, but 2 bullet points just seems lazy. And that is why we have photos.

Don't do this.

Or this.

This is fine. IF YOU WANT TO BE MISTAKEN AS A PROSTITUTE. Otherwise, NO.

To summarize: Do not dress like a streetwalker. Thumbs up from The Tubsters!