Told You So

(While coming out of the cafeteria...)

Lloyd: I just saw a pair of harem pants.

Me: What?! Where?! SHOW ME NOW.

(Lloyd takes my hand, dragging me along in our epic search for the fabled hammer harem pants)

Me: ...

Lloyd: ...

Me: They are leather.

Lloyd: Yeah...

Me: And she's wearing moccasins.

Lloyd: I think those just sort of killed it.

Me: (sharp intake of breath)

And that is what happened three days ago. I may be scarred for life.

- The Tubsters

Where's My Magic Carpet, Damn It?

I've ranted about a lot of things. Mainly fads that have already taken the streets and my school by storm. But let's switch gears and focus on something that hasn't yet filled the seemingly innocent hallways full of learning and education, but I fear may very well very soon.

I'm talking about harem pants.

I know they're quite popular among celebrities and emerging in larger numbers on people who aren't planning on putting on a production of Arabian Nights, but still, is it worth looking like you had your friend boost your pants volume with a bicycle pump just to be "in fashion?" The answer is no, my friends. No. Diaper-ass is never a good thing. I'd really prefer it if the girls (and the guys!) that I see on a daily basis would refrain from looking as if they're wearing Pampers. Because before you know it, you've arrived here:

"Harem pants" and "hammer pants" are only 1 letter away from each other. Think about it.

- The Tubsters

Think I Can Receive Radio Signals from This?

So after ranting about shoes, let's move a little farther north. Hair, people, I'm talking about hair (perverts). Or rather, what you put in it. I agree that the shift in hair trends marches to the same beat as the change in fashion throughout the years, but there is one fad I will never embrace. Presenting:

No.

NO.

Stop that.

Just - no.

There are no words. Except for these. Listen, I love you Marc Jacobs, but I do not love your crazy headbands that emulate the look of someone using Bugs Bunny's ears to practice his Boy Scout knots in the hopes of earning a few merit badges. I appreciate your humor; I understand that it's supposed to look kitschy French coquettish cute, but all I can think of when I see this is some poor soul who decided that pulling pantyhose over a wire clothes hanger is a good look. It is not. There is only one individual who can pull this off. Oh, right:


Don't draw inspiration from cartoon characters, Marc (can I call you Marc?). It is bad. Very bad.

- The Tubsters

Real Men Wear Suits

Hey there, Lloyd again.
I think there is a serious problem with guy's fashion these days. Or perhaps I should say lack thereof. Young men, teenagers especially, have become prey to the terrible disease: schlubitis (a disease which simply, reduces one into a schlub). These kids are running around in ratty T-shirts and sweatpants all day, everyday. Now I completely understand the merit of sweatpants. They're great if you're just having a day where you don't feel like fully waking up.
But really. Does americas male population just never wake up? Or shower? I'm not asking for much. Maybe just upgrade to a t-shirt with jeans. It doesn't need to be fancy. You can still wear your sneakers. I promise. AND you can even retain your masculinity if you put actual clothing on. In fact sometimes, nice clothes even make guys look better. Just an Idea. Band of Outsiders' Fall collection is a fantastic example how guys can wear a suit, and not look like an idiot. American male youth. I beg of you, just take one look?

-Llyod

In Which I Rant

So, I think the Ugg trend needs to die.

It's gone on for long enough. Look, I know that they're just soooo comfy and so unbelievably warm but still. Two undoubtedly commendable attributes are not enough to justify the mental anxiety I feel in the presence of the unsavory boots of doom. Please. Unless you're the one paying my therapist in 10 years (therapy necessitated due to your wool lined atrocities), just don't. Remember crocs? Remember how they were (close to) the ugliest things ever to grace the surface of this Earth but NO ONE actually chose to acknowledge that fact until buying 3 pairs each??? With FLOWER CHARMS? I HATE FLOWERS.

But I digress. I'll do that quite often, so try to keep up.

Uggs. I don't see the need. If you need the warmth that much, just stick your feet in a toaster oven. Much more visually appealing.

- The Tubsters